This past week has been intense.
At the start of last week my team and I headed to San Jose with our ministry host for the month. Our plan was to stay two nights in a hotel, hang out exploring the city during the day, and go street witnessing in the sketchiest parts of San Jose at night.
Wait what?!
Yep, you read that right. But I will get back to this in a minute.
My whole life I have struggled with love. Struggled receiving it. Struggled giving it freely. I have always been so cautious and on edge about the person’s true intentions. I was afraid of letting my walls down long enough to let someone in and them hurting me in return. This has led me to having very few deep relationships. I didn’t really realize any of this or that it was a problem until coming on the World Race.
At Training Camp and Launch AIM talked about how we would have to let our guards down to the people around us in order to form solid Christian Community and that we would also have to do that with God.
Whenever I heard these things I thought “Yeah…okay, whatever you say. You don’t know me or anything about me. I am a pro at keeping people (and God) at an arm distance away.”
I started to have this chip on my shoulder. Like I had something to prove to someone or maybe God Himself that I wouldn’t break; That I really could keep people and God at an arms distance forever.
That was the case until I got to Honduras, month one. Almost immediately the Lord opened my eyes to this foothold that I had given the enemy over my life and my ability to give or receive love. Keeping God and people at an arms length away and not loving them goes directly against His word:
“You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” – Matthew 22:37-40
The two greatest commandments both have to do with love. And I was trying to act as if I had accomplished something by keeping God and people away.
I quickly realized that I wasn’t gaining anything by keeping everything at a surface level; I realized that I was instead hurting myself. By not saying yes to any kind of love, I was saying no to it all. I was saying no to having a deeper revelation of God’s Fatherly love for me and all of His children.
Over the past several months the Father has been ever so gently walking me through this process of understanding His love on a heart level. He has been guiding, showing, and revealing to me the depths of His love for His children.
I thought I got it. I thought I understood it and was telling all of the people around me that God loves them and desires to have a relationship with them. While all of this is true, His love for His children goes much deeper and is much more vast than my squad of 20 people.
Before we head out into the streets of San Jose, we spent time in prayer and worship. On the first night, I asked God to give me His eyes and His heart for the people that we would see and be interacting with.
As we were walking through the streets we would stop and talk to almost everyone we came across. We would get on their level and look them in their eyes. We would listen if they needed to talk. We would speak life over them if they seemed hopeless. We would tell them about the Prince of Peace if they seemed worried or agitated. All of the time being sensitive to the Holy Spirit and the direction He was leading the conversation.
As we walked through the streets we came across many different people, each with a different story. But all on the streets desperately searching for something; something to fulfill them, to bring them hope, peace, comfort, worth.
Some tried finding that in drugs or alcohol whiles others searched by means of prostitution and selling their bodies.
Every person we interacted with was drastically different in many ways, yet they were all also so similar.
You could see it in their eyes: the way they shamefully pulled the blanket back to see who actually stopped to talk to them as they lay in draped over the curb. The strange look when they realize that you didn’t stop because of the low cut shirt they were wearing while standing perched on the corner. The disbelief when he realizes that you didn’t stop to buy crack and actually stopped to talk to him.
In every single person, it was their eyes that told such a powerful story. On the outside, many of them wanted to come off as cool and peaceful as they lean slouched against the bricks after just shooting up or come off as confident as their heels are six inches tall and their face is plastered with makeup hoping that someone would stop just so they feel like they are enough.
But their eyes told a different story. Hopelessness, pain, fear, anxiousness, hurt, numbness, longing for more, the desire for something different, all pouring from their eyes.
It was in these moments of looking each of these people in their eyes, asking their name, and hearing their stories that I realized that more than anything, each of these people need to know how much their Heavenly Father loves them. These people are searching for love and fulfillment in places that will always leave them feeling empty and hopeless.
In the moments of looking in their eyes and seeing the desperation, the Lord answered my prayer from the first night of worship. He opened my eyes to how He sees and loves each of the people on the street. He knows them each by name, He knows how many hairs are on their head, He knows their story. And He loves them. Just as they are, right where they are. He loves them.
He doesn’t care what they have done or how far gone they think they are.
All He wants is their heart. All He wants is for them to know that He is their Savior. All He wants is for them to know that He loves them deeply.
He loves them, therefore I love them. He sees them, therefore I see them.
When I looked in their eyes the Lord revealed to me how many of these people don’t even know how to help themselves out of the situation they are in. The enemy has them so bound up in lies that they have believed for so long that they don’t know that they can even say that they want help. Satan has wrapped his chains so tight around their necks that they are gasping for air, but don’t know how to truly breathe.
It is easy to look around at your Church, Christian Community, family, friends, etc. and tell each other that God loves and cherishes you. It isn’t uncomfortable. Takes little to no sacrifice. You see each other once maybe twice a week, shake hands, give a pat on the back, shoot each other a smile and say “God loves you.” Then you each head your separate ways and never once think about the Heavenly Father’s love until next Sunday.
I would challenge you to step outside of your comfort zone. I challenge you to go find the lost sheep, and bring them back.
Speak life and Truth over them. Share the hope that is offered in Jesus. Share the true love that the Heavenly Father has for each of His children.
Maybe it’s a neighbor, a family member, a stranger at a coffee shop.
Maybe you’re reading this and you are feeling hopeless, fearful, anxious. If that is the case, I want you to know there is so much hope is Jesus. He died on the cross to bring you life. Now we can enter the presence of God and soak in His love. He loves you. He adores you. He wants relationship with you.
“If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than the ninety-nine that didn’t wander away! In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father’s will that even one of these little ones should perish.” – Matthew 18:12-14
The love of Christ flows from your compassionate words. As I prepare for Holy Humor Sunday and reflect on Thomas and how he is dubbed “doubting”, I can’t help but think how we are all different. . some of us immediately are lite up like a candle burning bright for Christ, some of us need to think things through, like Thomas, and grow like a small ember before we are truly glow brightly. God embraces us all. Know that you are touching the lives of all you meet. Some may be like bright candles and others like small embers, but all are touched by your kindness, your words, and actions. God will watch over you and be your guide to follow. Holding you in our prayers. Marty & Donna
God Bless you my dear, stay safe in your Ministry you are making a difference in so many lives. Your testimony is fabulous.
Your love my Sweet Girl is shining..
Love you Patsy.
Wow, Kayla! It just brings me to tears as I read your story and see all the beautiful things the Lord has released in your heart. I believe you are truly able to see how much HE loves them because you know how much HE loves you. When you talk about looking into their eyes and seeing what each of these dear people need, it is so profound. You have what each of them need, JESUS, give them Jesus, Kayla. The world and San Jose will never be the same because of the love you share. We’re so proud of you Kayla. We love you and are praying always!
I hope you know how much you are loved, without underlying ambition, and I’m so proud of you! The boys keep you in their bedtime prayers ask where in the world you are. This is a fun geography lesson for them and they look forward to seeing you again. We miss you but know you are exactly where you are supposed to be, letting your light shine. Love you lots… The Power Family
Hi Kayla, I am amazed at your strength, your love for God, and spreading that love to others. You are all so brave. God is going before you, He is beside you, and He is behind you!
Kayla, thank you for sharing your heart. We are praying everyday day throughout the day for all of you. It helps me feel connected to Steph when I read her teammates blogs. Thank you for being willing to be Christ’s hands and feet.